4. How to Win Friends and Influence People

1. Become genuinely interested in other people.
It's a fact that people are only interested in themselves. The New York Telephone Company made a detailed study of phone conversations to find out which work was most frequently used, and of course the answer is the personal pronoun, "I", which was used 3900 times in 500 telephone conversations. People love talking about themselves, so why not let them? The best way to make friends is to let people talk about themselves first. Not only is it easier for them, but it shows that you genuinely care about them. In addition, showing an interest in others develops in its customers a loyalty to your company. If we merely try to impress people without getting to know them first, we will never have many true, sincere friends.

Showing interest in others helps them at the same time as myself. I decided I would try to follow in Dale Carnegie's footsteps and take action to win friends and influence people following his tips. I have always known it's important to show that you care about people and not just yourself, and I have been told that I am a good friend because I am always asking how people are doing, even when they don't ask. However, while I am concerned with the lives of my good friends, I realized I should try to show that I care to people who I don't usually talk to as much. I planned on doing this by going out of my way to talk to people that live in my sorority house who I don't know as well as my immediate close friends. I am friends with all of the almost 50 girls I live with, but I haven't gotten to know every single one of them as much as I would like to because it's difficult to do when everyone is so busy with their own lives. Last week, a girl named Abby was working on our sexual assault prevention banner in the craft room. I am not at all an artistic person, but I took an hour study break to go down and help her out. While we painted together, I asked her how she developed such an artistic talent, and learned about her other hobbies and interests as well. It was as easy for me to keep asking questions as it was for her to answer them about herself. We ended up having a really great conversation and we now confide in each other about our own daily updates. It was so much easier than I thought to gain someone's trust and friendship, simply by actually caring about them.

2. Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
One of the most desired skills to have is the ability to remember names. If I had a dollar for every time I've heard someone say, "I'm not good at names!", I could pay off my student loans right now. I learned that the truth is, you're not either good at bad at remembering names; it all comes down to how you remember them. Most people don't remember names, for the same reason that they don't take the time and energy necessary to concentrate and repeat and fix names indelibly in their minds. They make excuses for themselves and say they are "too busy". President Roosevelt knew that one of the simplest, most obvious and important ways of gaining good will was by remembering names and making people feel important. Think of how much it would mean to you if you met someone once, then after about a year you met them again and they immediately remembered your name, where you were from, and asked how your family was doing. Someone like that is sure to gain an easy following.

I don't know why, but I have always loved hearing my name in conversation. When people say, "Emily" instead of "hey you", it shows they care and also that they respect you. Despite UMD being a very big school, I almost always pass at least one person that I know when I'm walking to and from class. I always smile or say hi to people I know, but I never actually say their name. I have always known that I love when people actually say "Hi Emily", because it's just a good feeling to hear your nam
e come out of someone else's mouth. It makes the greeting more personal. I've decided that this upcoming week I'm going to greet people by their first name, which will hopefully help me achieve better relationships with them. On a more professional level, as I start to apply for jobs and interviews, I will always make sure I remember the interviewers' or recruiters' names. I once heard that when you meet someone, a good way to remember their name is to repeat it out loud when they give it to you. I plan on doing this the next time I meet someone new, that way their name is engraved in my mind and I can use it whenever I see them to show that I care.

3. Make the other person feel important - and do it sincerely.
Many times when people see others give out compliments for no reason, they often wonder, "what do you want from him?" Why are people so selfish that we can't radiate a little happiness and pass on a bit of honest appreciation without trying to get something from that person in return? There is nothing malicious in giving out a compliment to someone and making their day a little brighter. William James said, "The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated." If you talk to people about themselves, they will listen for hours. When people are given praise and recognition, you give them an amount of confidence that they could have never given themselves.

I know from experience that when someone gives me a random compliment out of the blue, it can turn my entire day around even though it is such a simple concept! I decided to follow the do unto others as you would want them to do unto you philosophy, and try to give out at least 1 sincere compliment a day. It turned out to be not at all difficult. I started out with my local Target Express cashier, who is the sweetest middle aged woman I have ever met and is almost always working when I visit. Every time I get her at checkout my mood gets better because she is just so friendly to everyone she speaks to. One day I finally got the courage to comment her for her positive attitude, by saying, "I just want to say how much I appreciate your staff. You are always so polite and helpful. It's such a pleasure to be pleasantly greeted by you after waiting in a long line, so thank you!" It was easy to tell that she was thrilled and shocked, even though she didn't need to be. I felt happy that I finally recognized her efforts, and I think she felt happy that someone noticed them.

4. Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say, "You're wrong."
A sure way to make enemies is by saying these two words: "you're wrong." When you tell someone they are wrong, whether it is explicitly in words or by nonverbals, you make them never want to agree with you ever again. Saying those two words is like striking a direct blow at their intelligence, judgement, pride and self-respect. No matter how right you actually may be, no one will ever want to change their minds after you just hurt their feelings so harshly, they will only want to strike back. If a person makes a statement you think could be wrong, even if you KNOW it's wrong, it is tantamount to still start off by saying, "I thought otherwise, but I may be wrong. I frequently am." This phrase is magic because it still allows you to examine the facts, but you don't offend someone so much they they will object to what you're saying. Saying you may be wrong will stop all argument and inspire your opponent to be just as fair and openminded as you are. It will make him want to admit that he too, may be wrong.

I have run into this problem so many times, and it was refreshing being able to read about it from someone who knows what to do in these situations. I always thought I was the only one who ran into the problem of not wanting to seem like such a know-it-all, while also not wanting people to be spreading around false information. In the face of such a dilemma, I usually chose the route to just keep my mouth shut instead of cause a lot of unnecessary drama. I now know that the next time there is a disagreement, I will willingly admit my mistakes if I have any, and will not at all be pushy with my opinions. I will open by saying, "I may be wrong," so that nobody thinks I feel I'm smarter than anybody else. If I am in fact wrong, I will openly admit it. If I am right, I will not say, "I told you so" or anything else to rub it in the other person's face. All of these are ways to create hard feelings instead of making friends, which is what I want to be doing.